It is, in fact, aggressively cheesy.
It is, for sure, agiganticswing.
Folks, it is time that the awkward jazz room gyrations of Emo Peter Parker get their rightful due.
c’mon, just listen.
He’s officially swinging too high above New York to recognize the everyday issues of the people around him.
He can no longer relate to the (extremely real!)
Image via Sony Pictures
problems of Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) without looking at them through a spider’s web.
Raimi subverts his own, iconic line here.
With Peter Parker, the result is…not that.
Image via Sony
It’s Peter Parker’s terminally uncoolideaof a monster.
It’s the definition of a square person trying to jam themselves into a trapezoidal hole.
Imagine, like, a baby wearing an adult’s suit trying to fire you from your job.
Image via Sony Pictures
You’d be like, “aw, he’s so mad.”
Peter just knows jazz piano now.
The sheer velocity of his gyrations can blow hair back from across the room.
Which is basically what’s happening, just replace “whiskey” with “a sentient slime monster.”
That’s the benefit of consistently casting the most charismatic, likable people on Earth.
Tony Stark’s personality remains the same both before and after he stopped being a leading arms dealer.
Stephen Strange never found a spell to make him less arrogant.
The Guardians of the Galaxy straight-up enterInfinity Warlooking to mooch off a distress signal.
None of this makes sense.
“Our belovedThicc Thor.
