But the first and most formative of my cinematic crushes was Hannibal Lecter.

Meanwhile, her only real ally throughout the film is thisclassy cannibal that speaks in riddles.

I truly never stood a chance.

Hannibal Lecter, played by actor Anthony Hopkins, with his chin resting on his hand, with blood dripping down behind him.

Image by Jefferson Chacon

I tried, and definitely failed, to replicate this class and grace through my own wardrobe.

“Good evening, Clarice.”

Andit wasn’t as though Hannibal had any room to judge me to begin withhe literally eats people.

Blended image showing Anthony Hopkins in The-Silence-of-the-Lambs with the line QUID PRO QUO in white letters in the background.

Image via Orion Pictures

Obviously, I do not engage in cannibalism, nor have I ever wished to.

I knew my attraction to womenthe way I dressed and styled my hairwas transgressive.

For me,there was little comfort in assurances of validity.

Hannibal Lecter is shown in reflection of his glass cell as Clarice Starling looks on in Silence of the Lambs

Image via Orion Pictures

Despite this, I considered myself lucky that it wasn’t worse.

I imagined Dr. Lecter would find my assailants moronic and lacking in decorum.

I didn’t tell a soul.

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Jodie Foster stars as Clarice Starling, a top student at the FBI’s training academy. Jack Crawford (Scott Glenn) wants Clarice to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), a brilliant psychiatrist who is also a violent psychopath, serving life behind bars for various acts of murder and cannibalism. Crawford believes that Lecter may have insight into a case and that Starling, as an attractive young woman, may be just the bait to draw him out.

That doesn’t go away just because it was formative for me or anyone else.

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Anthony Hopkins